Wet Dreams

I emailed my OBGYN this weekend and updated her on the strange occurrences that have been going on with my bod (because I'm completely neurotic and couldn't just let it go) and she told me that it's possible I could still be preggers and to test again in a week. The most amazing part of this story is that my OBGYN is so awesome, she responds to emails from home on the weekend. I love her. I'm going to call her my OMGYN from now on because she's so OMG awesome!

I'm soooooo glad I didn't realize how inaccurate pregnancy testing could be back when I was a paranoid, hypochondriac singleton and I would convinced myself that I'd somehow gotten pregnant vis-a-vis immaculate conception just because I had made eye contact with a hot guy in a bar. Especially if he was latino. I'd take one little test the next evening, see an adorable negative sign, and be done with it. If I had known the risk for error and false readings I'd have been a nervous wreck. I would have kept my bathroom fully stocked with tests and taken one every morning as part of my daily ritual, somewhere after flossing my teeth and eating cereal, even if I hadn't had sex in six months.

Quite honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. It seems quite unlikely at this point, despite the strange spotting and a questionable period. Plus, I just don't feel pregnant. I don't know what I mean by that exactly. Yes, I've seen the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" so I realize it's possible to carry a child to term and deliver it in the bathroom sink at McDonalds without ever "feeling" pregnant. But if this show has taught me anything, it's that being pregnant feels very similar to the pangs of living in denial, and I've been in a pretty accepting mood these days.

While I'm at it, I have to say that the fact that pregnancy tests suggest you use your "first pee" of the morning is a bit problematic given that I almost always have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night -- usually somewhere around 4am -- thus rendering my first pee of the day actually my second pee and making me feel very inadequate. I'll lay awake trying to convince myself to hold it in a few more hours and drift back to sleep. But inevitably, a dream about Niagara Falls or synchronized swimming will force me to get out of bed, sending the most reliable accumulation of concentrated hCG hormones of the day straight down the drain.

This makes me want to pee.