Quitting Cold Turkey

I picked up this pamphlet from the supermarket the other day. It lists all the foods you're supposed to avoid when pregnant or trying to get pregnant:

And more...

After looking over these lists, I don't understand how pregnant women gain weight. It seems to me they're not allowed to eat anything!

Shellfish...unpasteurized cheeses...sushi. All right. Fine. I can live without those once I am with child.

But I don't know how I'm going to give up cold turkey, cold turkey! For years--nay decades--it's been the healthy, responsible, and tasty cornerstone foodstuff of my lunchtime diet, and now you're telling me it's evil? How bad is turkey for you when you're expecting, really? I mean, are we talking cigarettes and crack-cocaine-bad here? Has a baby been born with fetal deli meat syndrome? I'm having visions of a pregnant me hiding in a dark closet stuffing turkey hoagies down my throat, while friends and family gather in a sparsely decorated room at a nearby hotel waiting to stage an intervention against my thinly-sliced poultry addiction. "Think of your baby!!!" they will cry. I'll deny it at first, insist the used Subway wrappers are someone else's. But eventually I'll break down in tears and agree to go to treatment. After one last hit of a Club Sandwich, of course....

I know becoming a parent means sacrifice. I just never realized it starts with sliced turkey.