The Pull Out Method

J and I have been using the pull out method for the past four months. I feel like we're 16 again. Not that I was actually having sex at 16. Or 17. Or 18. Or 19. Or 20. *sigh* Anyway. My point is, we're using a half-ass, unreliable method of birth control which would feel totally and completely irresponsible if we weren't married, in our mid-30's, and thinking about getting pregnant anyway. Not to mention I've been taking prenatal vitamins for the past six months, as my girlfriend and mommy-mentor, CM instructed me to do. (As I write this, she's two months away from baby #2 being born. She is brilliant with kids and assures me I'll be a good mom, so I do everything she tells me to do even if I'm not sure I believe her about that.)

I started taking prenatals -- Trader Joe's brand -- while I was still on the birth control pill. Talk about mixed signals! I felt like one of those Occupy Wall Street protesters who used their IPhones to Facebook against big corporations. Make up your mind, already! I don't want to seem overly dramatic but I had a mini-panic attack the first night I took it. The reality that this was the first step towards having a baby hit me. Am I really ready to be a mom? I poured myself an extra-large glass of Zinfandel to help it go down a little smoother. After all, it's important to drink responsibly. The second night I forgot about it completely. I woke up at 4:00 A.M. and remembered that I forgot and realized I was already a horrible mother.

The plan was to start trying for baby the night of our anniversary: May 7th. And we did. Doggie style, thank you very much. But the next morning I freaked out and asked J if we could wait two more months because I'm starting my writing program in the fall and would love to get through at least one year of school before the baby comes.

So after pulling out of our conception plan, it's back to the pull out method for now. Because let's be honest: condoms really suck.